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Game 4: Up all night

coors_fieldDENVER — Who hates baseball this morning? No, we’re not talking about the game, because there’s no sense in hating the game, nor, in fact, the player. Plus, I hate racism and injustice and that makes baseball seem trite by comparison. Bear with me people. It’s been a long week.

Anyway, the way Major League Baseball has scheduled these playoff games in the first round has been utterly ridiculous. Night games in Colorado in October on the weekends? Day games in Philadelphia during the work week?

What in the name of the wide world of sports is going on here?

Look, I understand the idea of TV contracts and how TBS and Fox want to have the games on exclusively in order to maximize the number of eyes on the set. But putting the Phillies on TV for a Sunday night game at 10 p.m. is just stupid. It’s especially stupid when there was a four-hour window where TBS showed “Road Trip” instead of baseball because they probably did not want to compete with the NFL games.

Look, I'm not hating on "Road Trip." In fact, it's a fine film and is easily some of Tom Green's best work. That part when the snake chomped on his arm... brilliant!

But logic has to win out at some point. Instead, the MLB TV arm decided to penalize the ball fans in Philadelphia.

Look, baseball fans will watch whenever the games are scheduled. Plus, technology has advanced to a degree where a person can watch an NFL game on a second TV set or on a computer. People have insatiable appetites for sports and have the ability to multitask if need be. That’s what makes it so silly to schedule the games the way MLB and the TV networks have.

It’s not fan or player friendly… it’s just mean.

“When you’re in the playoffs, and you’re in a city where there’s a chance of snow at all, yeah, I think it should be a day game,” Scott Eyre said before Game 3. “But TBS paid a lot of money, so they can dictate when the games are played, and they don’t care about us. I used to not understand, but now that I’m older, I understand more about the business end of it.”

That doesn’t mean anyone likes it.

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Catching up with PEDs

Rafael PalmeiroIt's been a long time since I wrote about drugs here so I thought I'd start out with a "told you so." What is this time, you ask. Well, hold on... let me tell you. It wasn't too long ago - August of 2005 - when I wrote about how the well-publicized pharmaceutical Viagra was a performance-enhancing drug. And no, that wasn't meant as a joke.

Actually, most people think I'm being ironic when I say or write that Viagra can heighten the athletic prowess of an athlete, but, please, take the statements at face value. Nevertheless, what piqued my interest in Viagra was the positive drug test from ex-Orioles and Rangers slugger Rafael Palmeiro.

Palmeiro, of course, was suspended by baseball for 10 games for testing positive for the anabolic steroid Winstrol, which reportedly was the drug of choice for shamed sprinter Ben Johnson and stakes horse, Big Brown. But Palmeiro was even better known for his use of Viagra. In fact, Palmeiro famously appeared as a spokesman for the impotency drug and starred in national TV commercials that hit the airwaves in heavy rotation.

So while everyone was trying to figure out if Palmeiro was taking shots of horse steroids in his rear, I dug into what Viagra was doing for him other than what was being explained in the TV commercial.

Viagra, not unlike EPO, I wrote, could increase the level of oxygen sent to an athletes' muscles. The more oxygen in a muscle, the less tired it gets so it could be said that Palmeiro's muscles not only were recovering and growing quicker thanks to the horse ‘roids, but also they were getting much more oxygen from his little blue pills. Pretty much any athlete who participates in a sport that involves running or endurance might be able to benefit from taking Viagra.

But Viagra is also used to counteract potential impotence, which can be a side-effect of testosterone injections. At least that's what we learned from a story in the New York Daily News this week. The crux of the story:

Roger Clemens allegedly kept Viagra in a GNC vitamin bottle in his locker at Yankee Stadium. Already under investigation for alleged performance-enhancing drug use during his playing days, Clemens, sensationally, was allegedly one of many athletes taking "Vitamin V." according to the story, Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi and Marian Jones were regular users of the drug. What's more, pro cyclist Andrea Moletta was suspended from the prestigious Giro d'Italia when police found 82 Viagra pills and a syringe in his father's car.

Sports regulation groups, including the federally-funded United States Anti-Doping Agency, are investigating whether or not Viagra could become a banned substance for athletes. According to drugs expert Don Catlin, "It's a complicated drug. If you go through the basic pharmacology and stretch your imagination, you could end up saying, ‘Yeah, maybe it could be useful for athletes who are competing in endurance sports at high altitude.'"

But - pardon the pun - Viagra is in bed with Major League Baseball. A long-time corporate sponsor of MLB, it seems as if baseball could find itself in an odd spot. How would it look if MLB came under the drug-testing auspices of the USADA and had to ban a product of one of its major sponsors?

Regardless, will Major league Baseball really test anyone for anything? According to a story in The New York Times, MLB may have suspended drug testing during the 2004 season. Better yet, if the league didn't suspend testing, the story reads, MLB alerted players when tests would be.The reason why that's such big news is that the league failed to mention any of this during the infamous testimony before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform in March of 2005.

It was during those hearings where Palmeiro wagged his finger at the lawmakers and told them he never used steroids.

Instead, MLB the MLBPA testified in those hearings that test results in 2004 showed a significant drop in positives, which may have stopped Congress from interceding in MLB's drug testing processes.

In other words, players weren't testing positive because they weren't being tested... allegedly.

Harry Waxman, the chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, issued a statement in which he says the information he received from MLB and MLBPA was wrong, though he isn't sure if either group was deliberately supplying the wrong information.

Says Waxman:

It's clear that some of the information Major League Baseball and the players union gave the committee in 2005 was inaccurate. It isn't clear whether this was intentional or just reflects confusion over the testing program for 2003 and 2004. In any case, the misinformation is unacceptable.

Because of the sports fans' drug fatigue, it doesn't seem as if the new revelations will resonate. However, it doesn't mean it won't be a problem for MLB. When the Olympic sports routinely test for performance-enhancing drugs and just as routinely suspend athletes - sometimes without the benefit of due process - baseball looks conspicuous by its absence. No, this doesn't mean baseball should start some of the Draconian methods used by the World Anti-Doping Agency and its brethren, but it's remarkable to think about what is banned by other sports but is perfectly legal in baseball.

Including that little blue pill.

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Chicks dig the long ball

Mark McGwireThe overwhelming reaction to the story in The New York Times yesterday that Major League Baseball clubs are tipped off when the “random” and “unannounced” drugs tests are supposed to occur was laughter. Maybe there were a few rolled eyes and feigned indifference, but for the most part, the news was good for a few yucks.

It wasn’t that deeply thought out laughter either. You know, the kind saved for Woody Allen movies, puns or when your boss makes another bad joke. This was derisive laughter saved for politicians who are caught breaking the law in such a manner that they should have just gone to the National Archives, removed the Constitution from behind the glass, and then slipped it into a paper shredder.

We save that type of laughter for arrogant types who we all know will never serve a second of time in the Richard M. Nixon wing of the Lompoc Federal Prison.

But here’s the really funny part about the revelation that Major Leaguers were tipped off about the drugs tests up to two days in advance: No one is surprised.

Seriously, did anyone really believe that baseball was conducting tests with teeth? Does anyone believe that MLB wants to find out if anyone is still using the caveman-type steroids that Rafael Palmeiro reportedly tested positive for? Does anyone think they are excited to hear another name tied to that Florida outfit that reportedly has supplied members of the MLBPA with growth hormone?

I think we all know the answer to that one.

You know what would really be funny? If MLB hired the French Lab (Laboratoire National de Dépistage du Dopage) the Tour de France uses to make sure that all samples come back dirty.

Oh, but it’s not that the story didn’t have its humorous points. For instance, how funny is it that the screeners for the unannounced and random drug tests call the teams a couple of days ahead of time to request free parking passes? That’s a knee-slapper if there ever was one. Way not to be conspicuous, Sherlock!

Better yet, if the rest of the teams in baseball are like the Phillies, two things will happen. First, they will get the runaround and condescension for even suggesting they receive a parking pass in the first place. Then, after finally figuring out where they can park and how/when/where they will get the physical pass (because you need that), the testers will be forced to park a metric mile away from the actual stadium.

In other words, not only will everyone know the testers are coming, but they also will see them coming, too.

Forget the fact that the supposed performance-enhancing drug of choice these days is completely undetectable…

There is probably a serious point somewhere in all of the laughter about Major League Baseball’s “drug-testing program.” Amidst all of the Congressional committee hearings, investigations headed by former senators, and bluster from the commissioner, the real point is that most people – those associated with MLB, too – like things the way they are.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ltD21rYWVw&rel=1]

Or…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLepAFMcMII&rel=1]

And it’s funny because it’s true…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_mWu9P0daY&rel=1]

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